PR 5097 
.113 D4 
Copy 1 



^s order " DE WITT'S '' Acta«a|f Pls^yso 
PRIGli; L5 GKNTS. 




-C^ 




DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS. 

O t5 5 ^^ ^ (]>f*i'»T^>«r 34:3.) 

A^^' DECLIITED 

WITH THANKS. 

An Original Farcical Comedietta, 

IN ONE ACT AND ONE SOENE. 

By JOHN MADDISON MORTON, 

AUTHOR OF 

" Boj) and Cox," " The Midmght Watch," " Slasher and Crash- 
er" " First Come First Served," " After a Storm Comes 
a Calm" '' Pepperpofs Little Pets" " Which 
of the Two ?" etc., etc. 

ADAPTED TO THE AMEKICAN STAGE BY H. L. WILLIAMS, 

TOdETHER WITH 

A Description of the Costumea— Cast of the Characters— Eutra ace* 

aud Exiti— Relative Positious of the Performers on the 

Stage— and the wli<»!e i-f the Siaye BuKiness. 




Dii: WITT. PUBLISHKH, 



No. 33 Rose Street. 




{ m- k COMPLETE DESCmPTIVE CATAIOBUE OF OE WITTS ACnNQ 



WOW 1 ptAYS, AND DE Win's ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC OAAMAS, coDtainis« 
|, „ . _ _ S Plots, Costume, Scenery. Tlmeof Repreeeutettoa, and every other informa* 



r Uoa, natted free and post-paid 



DE ^V\^ITT'S 



ETHIOPIA^^ AND COMIC DRAMA. 



Nothing so thorough and complete in the way of Ethiopian and Comic Dramas has ever 
been printed aa those that appear in the following list. Not only are the plots excellent, the 
characters droll, the iucideuts funny, the language humorous, but all the situations,^by-play, 
positions, pautomimic buaiuess, scenery, and tricks are so plainly set down aud clearly 
explained that the merest novice could put any of them on the stage. Included in this 
Catalogue are all the most laughable and effective pieces of their class ever ijroduced. 

*^* In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, which 
indicate the number of the piece in " De Witt's Ethiopian axd Comic Drama." 

X)^ Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, ou receipt of price— l^t/fpeu Cents 
each. 

J8®' The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of Acts. The 
figures in the columns indicate the number of characters — M. male; F. female. 



141. 

73. 
107. 

113 
133, 

43. 

42. 

79, 

40. 
6. 

10 

n, 

£46. 



M. F. 
Absent Minded, Ethiopian farce, 1 

act 3 1 

African Box, burlesque, 2 Bcenes ... 5 
African ua Bluebeard, musical Ethi- 
opian burlesque, 1 scene 6 2 

Ambition, farce, 2 scenes 7 

Awful Plot (An) Ethiopian farce, la. 3 1 
Baby Elephant, sketch, 2 scenes., . . 7 1 
Bad Whiskey, Irish sketch, 1 scene. 2 1 
Barney's Courtship, musical inter- 
lude, lact 1 2 

Big Mistake, sketch, 1 scene 4 

Black Chap from Whitechapel, Ne- 
gro piece 4 

Black Chemist, sketch, 1 scene 3 

Black-Ey'd William,sketch,2 scenes 4 1 
Black Forrest {The),Ethiopiau farce, 

1 act 2 1 

Black Magician (De),Ethiopian com- 
icality 4 2 

Black Statue (The). Negro farce 4 2 

Blinks and Jinks, Ethiopian sketch. 3 1 
Bobolino, the Black Bandit, Ethio- 
pian mi\sical farce, 1 act 2 1 

Body Snatchers (The), Negro sketch, 

2 scenes 3 1 

Bogus Indian, sketch, 4 scenes 5 2 

Bogus Talking Machine (The), farce, 

1 scene 4 

Bruised and Cured, sketch, 1 scene. 2 
Charge of the Hash Brigade, comic 

Irish musical sketch 2 2 

Christmas Eve in the South, Ethio- 
pian farce, I act 6 2 

Coal Heaver's Revenge,Negro sketch, 

1 Bcene 6 

Coming Man (The), Ethiopian sketch, 

2 scenes 3 1 

Cremation, sketch, 2 scenes 8 1 

Crowded Hotel (The), sketch, 1 sc. 4 1 
Cupid's Frolics, sketch, 1 scene.... 5 1 
Daguerreotypes, sketch, 1 scene .... 3 
Damon and Pythias, burlesque, 2 sc. 5 1 
Darkey's Stratagem, sketch, 1 scene 3 1 
Darkey Sleep Walker (The), Ethio- 

Dian sketch, 1 scene 3 1 



M. F. I 



124. 
HI. 

139. 
50, 
64. 
05. 



Deaf as a Post, Ethiopian sketch.. . . 2 
Deeda of Darkness, Ethiopian ex- 
travaganza, 1 act 6 

Desperate Situation (A), farce, 1 sc. 5 

Draft (The), sketch, 2 scenes 6 

Dutchman's Ghost, 1 scene 4 

Dutch Justice, laughable sketch, 

1 scene 11 

Editor's Troubles, farce, 1 scene. . , 6 

Eh ? What is it ? sketch 4 

Election Day, Ethiopian farce, 2 sc, 6 
Elopement (The), farce. 2 scenes. . . 4 

Exci.se Trials, sketch, 1 scene 10 

Fellow that Looks like Me, inter- 
lude, 1 scene 2 

First Night (The), Dutch farce. 1 act 4 
Fisherman's Lvick. sketch, 1 scene. 2 
Fun in a Cooper's Shop. Ethiopian 

sketch 6 

Gambriuus. King of Lager Beer, 

Ethiopian burlesque, 2 scenes. . . 8 
German Emigrant (The), sketch, Isc. 2 
Getting Square on the Call Boy, 

sketch, 1 scene 3 

Ghost (The), Sketch, 1 act 2 

Ghost in a Pawn Shop, sketch. 1 sc. 4 

Glycerine Oil, sketch, 2 scenes 3 

Going for the Cup. interlude. 4 

Good Night's Rest, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
Go and get Tight, Ethiopian sketch, 

1 scene 6 

Gripsack, sketch, 1 scene 3 

Guide to the Stage, sketch 3 

Happy Couple, 1 scene 2 

Happy Uncle Rufus, Ethiopian mu- 
sical sketch, 1 scene 1 

Hard Times, extravaganza. 1 scene. 5 
Helen's Funny Babies, burlesque. 

1 act 6 

Hemmed In. sketch 3 

High Jack, the Heeler, sketch, 1 sc. 6 

Hippotheatron, sketch. 9 

How to Pay the Rent, farce, 1 scene 6 

In and Out, sketch. 1 scene 2 

Intelligence Office (The), Ethiopian 
sketch, 1 scene 2 



1| 



\\ 



DECLINED-WITH THANKS. 

an ©risiual jFavcical ornmetiietta, 

IN ONE ACT AND ONE SCENE. 
By JOHN MADDISON MORTON, Esq., 

AUTHOB OF 

' Box and Cox," ^' The Midnight Watch," '' Slasher and Crasher,^^ '•First Come First 

Served," "After a Storm Comes a Calm," " Pepperpot's Little Pets,^' 

•'Which of the Two?" etc., etc. 

ADAPTED TO THE AMERICAN STAGE 



By H. L. WILLIAMS. 



TOGETHEK WITH 



A DESCRIPTION OP THE COSTUMES— CAST OF THE CHARACTERS — EN- 
TRANCES AND EXITS — RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORM- 
ERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE OP THE STAGE 
BUSINESS. 




NEW YORK . 

BE WITT, PUBLISHER, 

Kg. 33 Rose Street. 

Copyright, 1886, by A. T. B. Db Witt. 



2 DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 

CHARACTERS. ,^^ 

Mil. Gritty, old iiiau. l\ *^ f / 

Captain Taunton, light comedy. ^ ^ 

Edwakd Mallingfukd, walkiug geutlemau. !'• ■ jl A 

Mb. Samuel Skhuff, low comedy. ' --J / 

Spi:onks' Boy, boy, or (lady) burlesque boy, 

iLoijENCE llALLiDAY, i Gritty's iiieces, ligbt comedy, or walking ladies (parts 

Hetty Halliday, S equal). 

Sally, chambermaid. 



TIME IN REPRESENTATION-FORTy-FIVE MINUTES. 



SCENERY. 

Landscape, Eiver Scene, on Flat. 

.13 C. A. 



Gate. Door. 



A. 
C 



I* * 
Seat. D^ 

O O 

o o 

o oooooooooooooo 

SCENE. — Exterior of a villa on river bank, landscape at back. A A, house front 
partly seen at l.; C C C, a low green railing round it, in centre of which is a small 
garden gate; rustic seats, flower beds, etc., scattered about stage; B B, garden wall; 
door in c, large practicable bell hanging over it; D, table; * * *, chairs; sky sinks 
and tree borders; tree wings. 



COSTU^fES-Of tlie present day. 

Geitty.— Old man, bald-front wig, canvas garden shoes, morning gown, large straw 
bat. 

Scruff.— Smooth face, EnglLsh-cut side whiskers, sandy or red; eyeglass with 
gilt wire string; white hat, red tie, small-figured white waistcoat, cutaway coat, 
fawn color, bound with blue braid, metal buttons; trousers of a showy pattern; 
white spats (or gaiters), shoes, bright colored poclcet-handkercliief; make up the 
face like Mr. Chamberlain of the Gladstone cabinet from Punch's caricatures; prig- 



DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 3 

gish and dense, yet with a sliam forced emartness; has note-book and pencil, large 
card-case, pattern curd-book, unfolding to two yards in length ; fancy sun umbrella. 

Taunton.— Morning walking suit, military bearing, mustache. 

MALLiNGFoiin. — Morning walking dress. 

Spronks' Hoy.— Played by a boy, or by the burlesque boy-lady who plays the 
hero boy in " Parents and Guardians." Face not too clean, old holey straw hat, 
jacket out at the elbows, trousers rather short and patched at the knees, hair short, 
half-boots, with copper toes. 

Flokence and Hetty.— Morning house dressss. For contrast cast the parts to a 
fair and a dark lady, which will also vary the color of the dresses. 

Sally.— Saucy chambermaid. Fancy muslin dress, ribboned apron, short curly- 
hair, white stockings, shoes. 



PROPERTIES. 



Umbrella, note-book and pencil, card-case, pattern card-book unfolding to a good 
length; decanter of wine and two glasses ready l. u. e. door; basket of vegetables, 
potatoes and onions, to be brought on u u. E. ; copper and silver coins for Skkuff; 
newspaper in his pocket; letter for Taunton, 



EXPLANATION OF THE STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

The Actor is supposed to face the Audience. 



D. R. C. 



C. D. 



D. L. C. 



R. U, E, 



/ 



SCENE. 



L. U. E. 



•H. 3e 

R. 2k. 



/ 



i 

\ 



R. 1 E. 



/ 



/ 



R. C. C. L. C. 

AUDIENCE, 



L. 3e. 

L. 2 E. 
L. 1 E. 



c. 




Centre. 


L. 




Left. 


R. 




Right. 


L. 


C. 


Left Centre. 


R, 


C. 


Right Centre, 


L, 


lE. 


Left 1 irst Entrance, 


R. 


] E. 


Right 1< ii-st Entrance. 


I>. 


2e, 


Lc^ft Second l.ntrance. 


R. 


2e. 


Riu^ht Second Entrance. 


I,. 


iJE, 


Left Tlii-d Ertrance. 


R. 


3e. 


Right Third Entrance. 


L. 


U, E 


Left 1 ppcr Entrance. 


R. 


U. E 


Right Upper Entrance. 


C. 


D, 


Centre Door, 


D. 


R. C. 


Door Right Centre. 


D. 


L. C. 


Door Left Centre. 



DECLmED-¥.ITH THAIKS, 



SCE'SE.— Stage clear to open with. The (call bell ht^ard and seen to 
rinr/ ; voices of Skruff and bPRoNKS' Boy, in dispute, heard out- 
side, R. u. E. 

Skruff (withoitt). Don't tell me; I saw you do it? You needn't npol- 
o.i^ize. What do you say— ' ' You ain't a-going to " "/ Very well, {another 
'Violent ring at hell. ) 

Enter S\1jL.y from house, l. u. e., crossing to r. u. e. 

Sally. Who can be ringing in that style, I wonder? {opens c. d. of 
wall. ) 

Skruff enters hurriedly, holding handkerchief to his face, and carry- 
ing an umbrella. 

Skruff {walking tip and down). The young vagal)Oiid — deliberately 
put his toe on a loose stone, and squirted Inilf a pint of muddy water 
into my eye! I saw him do it! He must l)e an old hand at it, too, or 
lie wouldn't have taken such a good aini. But, luckily, I spied his name 
«)n Ins basket, and if I don't spoil his trade in potatoes in this t^stablish- 
ment my mime's not Skrufl". {takes out note-book and writes " Spronks.") 
Tliere! and now,' Spronks, my boy, look out tor squalls. Sonle people 
may like being insulted with iin[)imit,y— I don't. 

Sally {following Skruff to and fro the stage— at last stops him hy 
,''ie coat tad). Now then, what's your business, young man? 

Skkuff {indignant). "Young man " ! 

Sally. If you've come about tlie water, or the g;is, or the sewers, you 
must call again. 

Skruff. Water! Gns! Are you aw:n*e, young woman, tliat you're 
addressing a gentleman ? {comes down l. c, turns at c.) 

Sally. You don't me:in it ! Well, that's al)out the last thing I should 
Inive thought of. It oidy shows one mustn't judge by api)eiir:inces. 

Skuuff {with importance). I happen to be a particular friend of your 
master's. 

Sally. Well, I nm stn-prised— 'cause nuister's very particular about 
Ills particular friends. Then how came you to ring tlie servants' l)ell? 

Skruff {asi'le). I never shall net out of that habit— been used to it so 
long, I suppose, (aloud) Is Mr. Gritty down ? 

Sally. Can't say, I'm sure, sir : biit 1 know he ain't up. 

Skruff. Oh ! At what time does he usually get up? 

Sally. Well, sir, that depends, l)ut, as a rule, I've o'bserved lie usually 
gets up when lie's had enough of the down ! 



DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 5 

Skruff. Does he. indeed ? (aside) Tliere's u llippancy about this young 
woMKin I don't hi<e. (aloud) Pei'iiups the young ladies, Mr. Gntty's 
nieces, are down ? 

Sally. Cun't positively say, sir ; but I know they ain't up. 

iiKRVFF (aside). I sludl not interrogate this domestic any furtlier. 
(aloud) Will you inform Mr. GriLt}', with my compliments, that I have 
called to see him ? 

Sally. Certainly, sir ; but 

Skruff (impressively). I repeal, will you inform Mr. Gritty that I 
liave calle(l? Do you liiink you could manage that? 

Sally. Well, sir, don't you think it would be as well just to mention 
the name? Do you think you can manage that? Shall 1 take your 
card, sir? 

Skruff. Yes. (taking out card-case) No I (aside) Cards cost a shilling 
a hundred — why should I waste one on people I've hardly ever seen ? 
(aloud) You can say Mr. Samuel Skrull"— do you think you can remem- 
ber that? 

Sally. Skruff"! Not likely to forget it, sir — sticli an aristocratic 
name. I'll take you l»y the skruff, ha, ha! (^briuginy forward a three- 
legged rustic seat) Like to sit down, sii"? 

Gritty (heard l. u. e). Sally ! My siiaving water! Hot!— all hot! 

Sally. Cominu-, sir. (runs out h. u. e. ) 

Skruff. Her name's Sally, is \il (tcriting in iiote-book) Doww goes 
Sally alongside of Spronks. (seats himself ((ud almost tumbles over) 
What the deuce do*^s old GriLiy mean by having such rjcketty things as 
this about the premises? — to do a, good turn to the wooden-leg makers, 
1 suppose, (sitting damn verij cautiously) Now let me see what I've come 
down here for. (consults note-book) Here we have it. (reads) "Florence 
Haliiday," " Hetty Halliday "—old Gritty's two nieces. The fact is, dad 
wants to see me settled ; that is. if I can make a, g.ood thing out of it. 
Well, he's just heard, on the extreme quiet, that one of the younu" ladies 
is very soon coming in for $50.000— unluckily he doesn't know which of 
the two— so, on the strenutli of a former business acquaintance with 
old Gritty, he iias trotted me down here to ferret the secret out, and if I 
get hold of the right scent I am to go the entire animal at once ! — not 
likely I slioukl waste any time about courtship and all that sort of thiiii:-. 
Not 1 ! Only let me worm out which of tlie two has got tlu^ tin, and I'll 
jnarry her to-morrow morning ! I can't say fairer than that, (looking 
about him) Rivihex' a. niceish sort of place this — must liave cost some- 
thing. I hope old Gritty can afford it. Father says lie always was fond 
of squandering money. 

Gritty (uithout, at l). In the garden, is he ? All right- I'll find him. 

Fnter Gritty from l. u. e. 

Gkitty. Where is he? (sees Skruff) Ah! my dear Samne]— (seizing 
a?id shaking his hand violoifly) delighted to see you. Samuel — for I 
suppose you are Samuel- eh. Sanniel ?^And how's your father, Samuel ? 

Skruff. Quite well, thank you. Mr. Gritty. 

Grit. And your mother, too, Sanuiel? 

Skruff. Qiiite well, thank you. Mr. Gritty. 

G«it. And your sisters, and your uncles, and your aunts, and all the 
rest of 'em— ell, Sanuiel? 

Skruff. Quite well, thank you, Afr. Gritty. 

Grit. Bless me, what a time it is since I've seen any of you— and to 
think that your father and I were i>artners when joii were an infant. 



DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 

Samuel— and a precious n,i;Iy litlle l)riit von were. I don't see niiicli 
allei-jition in yon now. S;ininel— I nipjin, nol. t'oi- llie IxMlcr. Yes, '-Giiity 
jind Skrnrt'," ilial w:is llie nnnic of Die linn — '-ll.e Enuliisli t:iiloi-!'-, ;)4lii 
slrt't't." ;ind a. capiini Ijusiness it was loo, and is so siill, J liope. 

Skki TK. Yes. l)Htl(')' l.iian ever. Father's made a heap o' nuiuey since 
yon retired. Trade's aller«:!d conipielely. 

GuiT. Has it ? When I was in it we gave a first-rate arlicle, paid good 
wages, and were saListied witli u fair profit. 

Skkuff. We manage matters better than that now. 

Gurr. How so? 

Skruff. By adding- the profit on to Ijolli ends— putting down tlie pay 
and putting np tlie prices. 

GiuT. Well, well, every one to liis taste. Your father cliose city 
smoke, and slaving on to amass a fortune. I prefen-ed fresh air and Ji 
moderate competence; and so we parted. You'll slay and dine witli ns 
to-day, of course? 

Skruff. Thaid-: you, Mr. Gritty, (aside) I ])ut a hunk of gingerbrea(^ 
in my [)ocket. Nevei* mind, it'll keep a day or two. 

GuiT. And after dinner you can tell me to wliat I'm indebted for tli 
pleasure of this visit, {svddenhj) By tiie by, you'll have a glass of wine 
Of course you will, {calling) iSally! bring that decanter of port out ot 
the sideboard. 

Skkvff (aside). What extravagance ! 

GmT. Ha! lia ! 1 renieud)er I never could get your father to driid< 
anything stroniier than raspberry vitiegar drowned in water; and what 
u wrelciied-looking creature he was ! — the color of gingerbread and as 
thin as a pair of nut-crackers ! Do you know, Samuel, the more I look 
at you the more you remind me of him ? 

Enter Sally from house with decanter and icine glasses on a trail, 
rchick she places 07i a small table, c. front. Gritty tuts l. a/id 
Skruff k. Sally e.xits into house. 

Grit, (pouring out a glass of wine). Tliere, Tjamuel, tell me Avhat 
you think of that. (Skruff sij^s 'the -wine) Zouiuls. nuin, it won't hurt 
you — down with it! (Skruff takes down the wine at a gulp, almost 
choking himself . GRriTv tos.ses off a glass of wine) How the mischief 
is it that my old friend Skruff hasn't found his way down to see me all 
these years? 

Skruff. Well, the fact is, Mv. Gritty, my father has often talked of 
paying you a visit— thaidv you, I don't mind taking just one nu>i-e glass. 
(holding out his glass to Gritty, who Jills it — Skruff tosses it down) 
Let me see— I was saying 

Grit. That your father had often talked of paying me a visit. 

Skkuff. Exactly: liut the fact is — well, since you insist upon it. I 
don't mind just a half a glass more, (holding out his glass, Gritty laughs 
and Jills it up, Skruff again tosses ti off'.) 

Grit. Now you haven t told me why my old friend hasn't been down 
to see me all these years. 

Skruff. Well, the fact is, it's such an awful expense to get out here. 

Grit. What! half-a-dollar out and back! Surely that wouldn't have 
ruined him. 

Skr(;ff (aside). If ever old Gritty becomes my uncle-in-law I ?liall 
luive to pnl a stop to all these extravauant notions of his. 

GiUT. Well, it sejMus you didn't grudue the expense. 

Skruff. Not a bit of it, bf cause I didn't go to it. I got a liit in oar 
lmtcher'8 cart, then on a benevolent baker's, ami walked the rest. 



DECLJNED — WITH THANKS. 7 

Grit, (aside). A c;irefiil yoiiiiii: 111:111 this ! (filond) Now. Sainmy, covne 
(111(1 tnUe a sii'oU rouiid tlie tiroiiiiil?;, iind I'll iiilrodiice voii to my nit^ces, 
acoui)leof nice .nirls, Suniiiiy. 1 liopii yoa're a huly's in;m, {[lokiiig 
him, ill the ribs) liii, li:i. ! 

Skruff. Well, as a rule, the sex is rather partial to me, li:i, ha ! [giv- 
ing Gritty a poke in the ribs. ) 

Gurr. Is it ? Well, there's no ricconnliiiu- for taste ! 

Skruff. You see, father's well off. and the i)ickiiigs'll he uncoinniou 
iiood when tiie old boy poi)S off— a y;reat atlraction to the female mind, 
Mr. Gritty. 

Grit. I daresay, but luckily, my iiiiis will not have to look to money 
as the main thiiiii-, {looking round, then in a confidential wJiisi^er) 
$50,000 left l)y a rich old aunt ! which may probably"fall to 

SKRtFF iyverij etvjerly). Yes. to— to 

GRrr. {in a tohisper). Florence! 

Skruff {((side). Oli ! that's theone, is it ! {n'ritimj aside in note-book) 
then down she goes — Sally, Spronks, Florence. 

Grit, {continuing). Unless IirUmhI- 

Skruff {(/uickl//). Unless iiuhicd, what? 

Grit. Hetty should turn out to be the lucky oiu^ ! 

Skiiuff (aside). Who's to make.h(;ad or tail out of this? (alowl) Then 
you don't exactly know whicii of the two it is? 

Grit. No, but I shall as soon as Hetty comes of a,i;-(', by which time, 
by the l)y, l)otli the girls, accordinij; to the terms of iho will, must be 
married. 

Skruff. Oh! (aside) It strikes me this is a dodue to «2,-et the two 
gh'ls off with one legacy! (aloud) K\k\ when does Miss Hetty come of 
age ! 

Grit. In ten days. 

Skruff. Ten days! Rather a short time to provide two husbands in ! 

Grit. Not at all. They're already provided for— l){)tli of 'em ! 

Skruff. Already provided I (aside) And this is what I get for coining- 
down here and wasting my income in travelling (^xpen>es. But I'll 
make a fight for it yet. If they think they're going to walk over the 
course on W\q fine, he. he! they'll find it a mistake and no error! (aloud) 
And what sort of articles are these youm:- chaps, eh ? You can't ije too 
particular in selecting i\\(i pattern. Mr. Gritty. 

Grit. Oh. they're all right— nice gentlemanly young fellows. 

Skruff. Take care, Mr. Gritty! I know i)retly well what the general 
run of "gentlemanly young fellows" is- tliey're uncommonly fond of 
running long tailors' bills ! 

Grit. Well, you shall judi^v for yourself— they both dine here to-day. 

Skruff. To-day? (aside) Then I haven't much tiimjto lose if I'm'to 
cut 'em out: (aloud) You haven't told me their names. 

Grit. Oh ! one is a military man, Captain Taunton — the other Edward 
Mallingford, of the Bangs RitL; and Ordnance Company. 

Skruff (aside). Don't remember either of their names, but they're 
sure to be in debt somewhere or other— if I coirld only WvA out where. 
(((loud) And pray, whicli is which destined for, Mr. Gritty ? (aside) 
It's important for me to know that, (taking out his no/e-book on the 

Sl9/.) 

Grit. Oh, there's no secret about it— Florence is engaged to (see- 
ing Florence, n-ho enters from house) Oh, here she comes ! and Hetty 
is going to marry— JUid here she come! (seeing Hetty, who foVou's 
Florence y'ro^i tJie house) Come here, my dears. (FLOKExrE and Hetty 
comedoum) The son of my old i)artner, Mr. Samuel Skruff. (introduciiig) 



8 DECLINED WITH THANKS. 

Mr. Samuel Skniff— my iiioces— Miss Florence Halliday, Miss Hetty 
Hullidiiy. (Flokence and Hi:;tty cotcrfesi/.) 

o Florence. * Skruff. o Hetty. 

* Gritty. 

Skruff (hoirhiff). Fii'ii) of Sknitt" iiiul Son, Miss Florence— first-nite 
business. Miss HcLly. {to Florence) Oin- Prince trousei'S is a foitune in 
itself! (/o Hetty) and as lo our London Swell fal)iic, wliicli we advertise 
so extensively, ii is sini|)ly all plunder! {foUoiciny He'ity and address- 
ing Iter ajuirt with much geslicvlation, tvliile Florence comes doam to 
Gritty. ) 

Florence. Oli, uncle dear! why do you invite your dreadful taiiorinj^ 
acquaintances liere? Do try and i>:et rid of tins vul,u;ar little man before 
Captain Taunton comes, or lie'll think he's a, relative, {retires up.) 

Skruff {aside). I'm gettini;; on tirst-rate. {Joining Florence, ickile 
Hetty comes down.) 

Hetty (to Gritty). If this odious creature Skrufl' stays, you really 
must let him have his dinner in the 'i<itclien : I dare say he's used to it. 
Edward would be i)erfectly horrified at his vuluarity. 

Grit. Can't do that, my dear; but I'll relieve you of his presence as 
much as I can. {to Skruff) Now. Samuel, as you've made the acquaint- 
ance of tlu^ hulies, supi)0se we take a turn round the garden ? (taking 
Skruff's arm ) 

Flor. By all means, Mr. Skruft'; there's such a beautiful view of the 
river from the lawn, Mr. Skrutl". 

Hf,t. And we've sucli a nice boat. Mr. Skruff". 

Flor. You can paddle yourself about in it for hours, Mr. Skruff*. 

Het. Yes, for years, Mr. Skruff'. 

Grit. Come alonu-. Samniv. {twisting Hkiiuff 7-ou/id, lie resisting.) 

Het. Good-bye. Mr. Skrufi'! 

Flor. Ta. ta, Mr. Skrufl! {Giutty drags ^krvef off sfruggli7ig, u.) 

Flor. Well, Hetty? 

Het. Well. Florence? 

Flor. Were you ever introduced to such an objeclional)le iniiividual 
before ? 

Het. Never!— and the creature evidently shows symptoms of falling 
in love. 

Flor. With nie? 

Het. With you? Don't flatter yoiu'self. No— with me ! He was on 
tlie point of saying something very tender to me when your jealousy 
monopolized his attention. 

Flor. Nonsense! Fm sure he was about to declare his passion for 
me when you cruelly dragged him away. 

Het. Then it's quite clear he nutans to marry one us. If he honors 
Tue with the ju-eference, I nmst refer him to i^fr, ]\ra]lingford, ha, ha ! 

Flor. And if he ])ops to u\e, he,'il have to settle the matter with 
Captain Taunton, ha, ha ! 

Captain Taunton's head appears above the wall at r. 

Taunton. Good-niorning, ladies! AVill you open the door, or shall I 
storm the fortress? (ITetty r?oj.s- a}id opens door u. ; Tavstq:^ en tei-s) 
Now, ladies, nmy I ask the cau.-e of all this merriment? and whether 
thr-re is any objection to my sharing in llie joke? 

Flor. None at all, Harry: it simply means tliat Hetty is likely to be- 
come Mrs. Samuel Skniff, rice Edward Mailingford, dismissed. Ha, ha! 



DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 9 

Het. Don't be quite so positive, l)eciiuse it isn't quite decided yet 
whetlier it will not be 8ainuei SkrnlL rice Henry Taunton, casliiered. 
He's a tailor, and a capital hand at cuttiwj out. 

Taunt. A vei-y bad j(»l;e that ; {fhey all iawjJi) l)Ut of course you can-'t 
be serious? 

Het. That will entirely dcpeiu]. most galhmt captain, wliellier you 
jire prei)ared to resign your i)retensiuiis. " Yoiu- rival is accustomed to 
Jive irons, I can assure you. 

Taunt. And consequently one who is us<h1 to l<ickiii,i:-, eli? 

Flok. Ha, lia! But don't \ou tliiidv it's lii^li time we dropped tlie 
tailor? 

Taunt. Certainly. 

Het. Carried nem. co;?. — "of Samuel Skrud" we've liad enouuli." 

Flok. But tell me, Harry, luive 30U arranged for tiie i)a\ nienl of tlie 
five thousaml tlollars? 

Taunt. Yes, and upon tlie most favoral>le terms. 

Flor. Then not a, single word to uncle on the subject until we give 
you permission. Rememl)er tliat ! 

Het. Well, I must run away. You'll liave some little compassion on 
poor JMr. SUruff, won't you, Florence?— ha, lia, ha! 

[Exit, hv((jhiu(j, into house, \,. 

Taunt. Nov/ ])erliaps you'll enlighen me. ^\ ho on earth is SkrulT? 
explain this Skruft'. 

Flok. All I know of the interesting object of your inquiry is that lie 
is the son of an old friend of my uncle's ; that theobject of iiis vi.sit here 
is to make a conquest, on the shortest possible notice, either of Heity 
or your huml»le servant ! 

Taunt, {savagely). Let SkrufT beware liow lie poaches on my manor! 

Gritty [heard without). Now then, Florry; Hetty, whei'e are you? 

Flor. There's uncle calling. Come along. Harry ; I know liow anx- 
ious you must be to make Mr. Skruti's acquaintance— lia, ha ! 

[Exeimt Florence a7id Taunton at back, r. 

Enter Skruff, hurriedly, at hack from l. 

Skruff. Confound old Gritty ! — wouldn't let me go till he'd dragged 
nie throuiih several acres of lettuces and si)ring onions ! Consequently 
the girls have vanished and I've lost Jiiy chance. Wish to gootiness I 
knew which of the two was to have the chink. {t)ell rings ; opening r/afe 
R. he sees Spronks' Boy with a basket on his arm) The youthful Siironks 
again ! Come in. 

Spronks {entering, then giving basket to Skruff). Them's taters, and 
them's inuuns. 

Skruff. Of course. Do you suppose I don't know a later from an 
iniiun ? (aside) I'll see if I can't pump a little information out of Siironks. 
(aloud) Been long in this neighborhood, Spronks? 

Spronks. Ever since I'a'c been in it, sir! 

Skruff. Have vou indeed? Then of course you know something 
about Mr. Gritty, eh ? 

Spronks I know he's a downright trump ! 

Skruff. Tramp? 

Spronks. Trump— and has always got nickels to si)are for them as 
wants 'em. I wants money dreadful bad just now — marbles is in. (go- 
ing, stops) Now don't you go and forget— them's the taters. (going.) 

Skruff. Stop a minute !— there's some cents for you, ha, ha ! (giving 
money to Spronks' Boy, who turns to go) Don't be ia such a hurry ! 



H) DECLINED ^MTH THANKS. 

• 7 /■ ;/,A I ri-ro «-iv v.. II hoiu- :i "-ood deal of t:itlle from llie serv- 

'"l:;K^^t'ooI*^' W C^' i-:;^ >»>■"' -'»"S you 

""s'aioH- ' Tlmfs rislit ! Here's siill n.or., for v„u. N.,w U,e„ ! (;«/a-«<7 

"'s™oN'.«"w'ell sir. I've been nuiking no en>l of inquiries ul«ut it my- 
self hehJJnlmUly curious, ..Hi «t I.BI I've found oul— 

sl'KL^</'Xt''l'K^.mv>i .s much now as before I beg.n-l;u ha, 

^"sKRUrF'A'Imt boy will end bis days in Uie state's prison. 
Enler SM.hY from Itouse. 

«.tiv How lite tlnitliov is with tl.8 vegetaljles, to lie sure! 
Ik^pp. Z.= a.ey are. Sally; I took 'en, in. (</«,»!/ .ally 6a./.rf) 
" Tliein's llie Inters." 
Ik;;upp,''^;^P a tnbiutif S?l&? Bo yon ..o^Vj^ '^wTil- -- 

GriUv fumily, Sully? . . , r.,-. 

Sally. Ever since I first come, sir-not belou.. , ,,, i,^..„ 

Skruff. Tina's a remarkable fact ! Find yourself comfortable heio, 

^'sALiY.'NothlnLC much to comi)lain of. sir; $60 a year-everything 
found, except te:i, ;ind every otlier Siuulay. 

Skruff (rt.svVZ^). Except tea, and every other bundny ! {oloud) And 
your voun-- ladies, thev treat you kindly, Sally? 

Sally. Yes, sir ; we rubs on very comfortal)ly, my youn;^- missusseses 
and me. . 

Skuuff {aside). She rubs on very comfortably, her young missusseaes 

and slie. , • , 

Sally. Tliey give me their old dresses, and does their own Imir ! 

Skruff. Ol'i Tthev does their own hair, does they ? Ah ! {with inten- 
turn) It's a nice Ihin'g, Sally, to come in for a hatful of money, eh ? 

Sally. Yes, sir : ever so much nicer than a cupful ? 

Skruff. Ah ! Miss Hetty will l)e a fortunate girl, eh? 

Sally. Think so, sir? 

Skruff. Unless indeed Miss Florence should be the lucky one. ^ Now 
tell me. if you were a, belting man. wliich color would you l)et on? 

Sally. Well, I think I sliould take the fair one for choice. 

Skruff (r<.<?<Ve). lletiv evidently. 

SAr.LY. Unless the dark or.e should ha])i)en to come in first. But you 
can't exi)ect me to sav anv more ft)r a trifle. 

Skruff. Then the' trifle will have to slay where it is. {pockets Vie 

coin.) , T 1 / ■ 

Sally. All ricrht !— daresay yon want it a deal more than 1 (.o. {rioviri 
—stops and hohhinfj a co>'ries>/) Please, sir, which did you say was the 
tatevs?— ha. ha! (?v^^?.«f o^^■/</o //o?/.s^\) , it ■ 

Skruff {looldny after her). Tiiere goes another candidate for lite im- 
prison men i. 



DECLINED WITH THANKS. 11 

Enter Hetty, l. u. e* 

Tliis sort of thing won't do. I must make up my mind one wny or the 

other, so I'll luai^e a bold stroke lor Hetty, and chance it. (Hetty slops 
CDid lisitms, L. c.) 

Het. So, so! Then I must prepare myself for an equally bold resist- 
unce. (comi/ig for (card and kuniniing a tune.) 

Skkuff {sw.ing her). Ah, Miss HeLty ! (c.) 

Het. Ah, Mr. Skrutf! 

Skkuff. Do you know, Miss Hetty, I'm quite pleased wilii this little 
place of your uncle's; there is suuiething about it— a sort of a kind 
of a -um[)h ! 

Het. Yes ; I've noticed myself that there was a hump about it last 
week when Barnum's menagt-rie went by— camel'cs, you know. 

Skruff. In short, it's Lhe sort of place one couhi live in alLogether. I 
shouldn't mind it myself— but not alone! {luith. a tender look at Hetty.) 

Het. (^irilh irretended sentmieida.lUij). CM" course not, Mr. ukruU. 
*' Who would inhabit this bleak world alone?" You would require a 
companion — with beauty, amiabiliiy, and 

Skuuff {He)dimentallij). $50,000! {aside) Neatly su ingested. 

Het. $50,000 ! \Vhy, ihaL's a fortune, Ih: Saniuel." 

Skuuff (r^.s/cfe). Mr. SannteU She's coming roiuid. By Jove! I'll 
risk il ! Neck or iiolhinu!— here goes! {suddenly seizing IIe'ity's 
hand) If you had $50,000, Miss Hetty, do you tliink you could be ha|)py 
with a gentleman like me? {very sent hneutallij.) 

Het. {aside). A positive declaration ! {hiding her face in her hand- 
kerchief to conceal her laughter — tJien trying to release her hand) Re- 
lease my hand I I beg I I implore! If Captain Taunton siiould see us ■ 

^KK\]¥Y {aside). Captain Taunton! — the fellow that old Gritty was 
talking ubout ! After Hetty, is he? That's a sure sign tiie money lies 
in this quarter, {/doud) Ali, Miss Hetty, tliese military .i;cnts seldom 
come to any good. I should stronuly advise you to give liim \\\) -I 
should indeed. If he's a gentleman he won't make any fuss about it! 

Het. Ah, Mr. SkrufT. you don't know the cai)tain — his very quietest 
moments are characterized by the most savage ferocity, {seizing his arm) 
Tell me, can you slioot? 

Skruff. ^Yell, I used to be considered quite a crack shot at the bull's 
eye ! 

Het. At the National meeting? 

Skruff. No ; at the school bull, with a pebble ! 

Het. That's nothing ; the captain can snuff a candle with a bullet at 
thirty paces ! 

Skruff. Can he? But doesn't he find that rather an inconvenient 
substitute for snuffers? 

Taunt, {heard vithont at r.). Gcod-bye, then, for the present. 

Het. {starting and jirefendi)ig alarm). All! his voice: my absence 
has excited his sus])icions. Should he find us together we are lost? 
Break the painful intelliiience to him gently: but be firm, Sanuiej, bq 
linn ! {aside) Now to tell Florence, {i-uns into house langh'W^ ]'•). 

Skruff. On second Ihou-iits. pei-liai)s I'd better not break tliepninful 
intelligence to the ca])lain on our first interview— it would hardly l)e 
delicate ; besides, I really shouldn't like to cpmiiijt fU) act of violence on 
Giitly's i)remises— it wouldn't lie the right thing to do. Here he comes! 
I'll pretend nqt to pqtice him. {seats himself i..y and taking out, a news:' 
paper, pretends to read.) 

Enter C An xi^ Taunton at hack from r. 



12 DECLINED WITH THANKS. 

Taunt, {not seeinrj Skrufb^). Yes, there is no doubt nbont it, it cer- 
tainly Wiis risking u ,i;ood deal to ni.ise that $5,000, but who could resist 
Florence's entreaties? One thing- is quite certain, Mr. Gritty must ]<now 
liotliing aljout it. 

Skruff {watching him over newspai^er, aside). Old Gi'ittyniust know 
notliing about wliat? 

Taunt. The old gentleman lias sucli n, liorror of accommodation bills. 

Skruff (.sicZe). Oh! oh! accommodation bills, eh ? Tliat's your little 
game, my line fellow, is it? I've got liim safe enough non', and can 
si)lit upon liim at any time, I wonder what he's reading? {rises ami 
comes cautiously down behind Taunton to look over his shoulder at the 
letter — stumbles.) 

Taunt, {looking round, aside). Tlie tailor ! {aloud) Perhaps you would 
like to read my private letters, sir? 

Skruff. I should, very much — I mean no, of course not. 

Taunt. What were you going to say, Mr. Stufli"? 

Skruff. Sla-ufli"! {aside)^I wisli Miss Hetty had lu'oken the "painful 
intelligence" to him herself. I don't relisli llie idea of being "snufled 
out " at tliirty paces. Never mind, I'll risk it. {aloud) Captain Taunton, 
I believe? 

Taunt, {angrily). Weil, sir, what then ? 

Skruff. Now don't lie jumping down my throat because I've an un- 
pleasant duty to perform. In a word, I deeply regret to infoi-m you 

Taunt. {Jiercely). You, sir? 

Skruff. 1 mean. Miss Halliday begs me to inform you 

Taunt. {im2)etuovsly). Go on I 

Skruff. I'm going on, sir. 

Taunt. Miss ilalliday begs you to inform me— wliat? 

Skruff. That when she accepted you as a friend of the family, slie 
had no intention whatever of accepting you as a husband ; and now she 
thinks— I mean, imagines— I should say, believes, she's made a sligiit 
mistake, because she linds she likes somebody else better. 

Taunt. Wliat? {seizing Skruff by the collar and shaking him.) 

Skruff. It's no use giving way to your savage ferocity, sir ; if you 
don't believe me you'd better go and ask Miss Hetty yourself. 

Taunt, {leaving hold of Skruff). Hetty ! Did you say Helty ? {aside) 
One of her practical jokes, evidently. Ha, lia, lia! {pulls out his hand- 
kerchief to conceal his laughter, and at the same time drops the letter 
on stage.) 

Skruff {in a compassionate tone to Taunton, who still has his land- 
kerchief to his face, patting him commiseratingly on theback>j. N<>w 
don't go and make yourself miseral)le because another fellow lias sti-pi^ed 
into tiie $50,000. 

Taunt, {aside). The mercenary rascal! I see Iletty'.s liltle game 
now. 

Skruff. Keep your spirits up, noble captain. I didn't uu^an to cut 
you out, upon my life I didn't. 

Taunt, {aside). I'll humor the fellow, {aloud, with a vemj deep sigh) 
Mr.— Mr. 

Skkuff. One moment, (offers and lets unfold a pattern book, then 
presents card to Taunton.) 

Taunt, {reading). " Skruft". the Enalish tailor. Orders promptly at- 
tended to."— Your information, Mr. Skruff", I confess, is not i)leasant. 
Far from it, Mr, Skrufl". {gives a very deep sigh.) 

Skruff. Now don't go on sigliing like tliat, or you'll be doing youi'self 
some frightful internal injury, 



DECIJNED— WITH THANKS. 13 

Taunt. Hetty will make you u i^ood wife, Mr. SkniflT, and a good 
mollier to tlie little SknitTs, Mr. Skniff. Might I iisk to be allowed to 
stiind godfatiier to the lirst. Mr. Sknift"? 

Skiujff. My dear sir, you 6h;ill stand godfather to tlie liist dozen or 
two if you like. 

Taunt. Tlnink you, Mr. Skruti". Bur alas ! alas! what is to become 
of liie poor abiindoned, broken-hearted Taunton? {iinother very deep 
sir/h.) 

Skruff, Well, I don't like to advise ; but I really don't see why you 
sliouldn'L chuck yourself into the Wiiter, especially if you can't swim ! 

Taunt, (reri/ quietly). Drown myself! Not I. I sliail at once i)ro- 
pose to the other sistin-. 

Skruff {(ir/hasf). What! (seeiiifj letter on stage and putting his foot 
on it) You mean to propose to Miss Florence? 

Taunt. Yes, this very day— this very liour ! I suppose I shall be safe 
in that quarter? You won't have the In^art to molest me there, Mr. 
Skrurt"? (aside) Now to let Mallingford know about this wretched little 
interloper. I shall be sure to meet hini coming from the depot, (aloud 
and graspi)ig Skiiuff's hand) Good-bye, Mr. Skrtifl; You have acted 
nol)ly — nobly — nobly, Mr. Skruti ! (shaking his Jiand violently and going 
off at gate r.) 

Skruff. Have I ? Don't be too sure about that. Wliew ! Tve got 
the most excruciating attack of pins and ueedlt\s— hang the needles! 
I'm always talking "shop I " — all up my leg in tiwing to iiide this letter. 
{picks it up) The qut^stion is. oui;lit I to read it? Of course 1 ought, or 
liow should I know what's in it. Here goes! (reading letter) "Dear 
Harry, I can raise the $5,000 on our jonit acceptance, for a term ;, but 
for lieaven's sake conceal it from Mr. Gritty. Yoiu'S, Teddy." Teddy! 
Teddy what? Teddy who? Yes. I renu^mber now— I've got him down 
sonKMvhere. (looking at inenioranduni-hook) Here he is! "Edward 
Mallingford." He's old Gritt.y's other young man. Here's a bit of luck I 
I've u'ot both yount;- chtips in my clutches now. Ha, ha! But stop a 
bit. (reflecting) Isn't it rather strange, if tlie captain was really in love 
Willi Hetty, that he should give her up so quietly? Then the eagerness 
with vvlucli he bound me down not to cut him out witli Florence. 

Enter Florence, l. u. e. 

What if the money comes to lier after all ? Luckily I haven't quite coun 
mitted myself yet, and what's more, I won't. (Florence runs down 
eagerly to Skruff.) 

Flor. (seizing Skruff's hand). Hetty has told me all -all, Mr. Skruff'! 
I cordially congratulaie you on your conquest ! (shaking Skruff's hand, 
violently.) 

Skruff {trying to remove his hand). I really don't exactly understand. 
(aside) A clear case -they thiidv they've hooked me. If Hetty had ii'ot 
the money they wouMn't be so pi-ecious polite, (aloud) I'm afraid, miss, 
we're laboring under some little mistake. 

Flor. iMistake ! Not at all. Did you not propose to my sister? 

Skruff. Propose? You mean pop ! Ha, lia, ha ! Excuse my laugh- 
ing ; but it really is so very ridiculous. 

Flor. Excuse me. ]\fr. Skruti — but your merriment is an Insult. Poor 
Hetly! I'm afraid she'll l)e l)rokendie:irtt^d. 

Skruff (aside). Another i»rokendiearted one! It runs in the family. 

Flor. Besides, even if Cai)tain Taunton should resiun in your fa- 
vor 



14 DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 

Skruff. He has. in llie Imndsoniest manner! He's even proposed to 
stand godfather to our lirst ; but says I, '-No, Taunton, my boy, cer- 
tainly not," suys I; "I will not blight your youni;; life, Taunton, my 
boy," says I. 

Kloii, How ,£>:enerous of you ! (aside) The little hypocrite! 

SiviiuFF {((Side). If Hetty doesn't uet the money. Florence must. That's 
loi;ic, so here goes! {aloud) jMiss Florence. I hope you will pardon the 
lil)erty I am about to take 

Fi.ou. A liberty from you— you whom I hope I may look upon as a 
friend ! i^with pretended earne.stNess.) 

Skkuff. Dearest nuss, you may ! 

Flor. Then I may venture to ask your advice on a matter of the most 
vital importance to me ! 

^KVivvY {aside). Now for Teddy ! If Teddy doesn't catch it hot it'll 
be no fault of mine. So look out for squalls, Teddy ! (aloud) I Ihiidv I 
can guess the sul)ject you are about to refer to— a, certain Mr.— Mr. — 
{talciiKj a side look at his memorandum-book) Edward Maliingford? 

Flor. Exactly ! Do you know him? 

Skruff. Personally, no !— professionally, as a signer of accommoda- 
tion bills by the bushel, intimately! 

Flor. Mr. Maliingford a signer of accommodation bills! There must 
be some mistake. 

ISkruff. Yes, it was a gigantic mistake on your old fool of an uncle's 
part to admit him here at all ! If he'd had a grain of common sense 
lie'd have seen that he only came here after your $50,000. 

Flor. {smiling). My $50,000 ! 

Skruff (aside). She doesn't deny it. Rapture ! 

Flor. {draniiug a long sigli). Ah ! Mr. Ski-nfl" what (hmgers surround 
llie hapless girl destined by cruel fate to be an heiress ! 

Skruff (in. a sympatliizing tone). It must be very unpleasant. Not 
tliat I ever was an heiress myself. 

Flor. Would that all men were as disinterested as yon. sir! 

Skruff. True. Miss Florence. For my part, if I were to marry a 
younu- lady with $50.003 

Flor. You'd settle it all on lierself, I know- I'm sure you would ! The 
quiet chart]) of a, country life would be unspeakable ra])ture to you! 'J'o 
help her to tend lier flowers, to feed her poultry, to grow h(?r own cur- 
rants and gooseberries 

Skruff. And her own ega'S and new-laid bultei-! 

Flor. But alas! Maliingford is my uncle's choice, and our union is 
)i-revocal)le ! 

Skruff. It wouhhi't break you heart then to part witli Teddy ! l)ecause 
if you really feel a sncMiking kindness for me, I'll do all I can for you, I 
will indeed, (in a commiserating tone.) 

Flor. (irit/i pretended emotion). Oh, Mr. Skruff!— but, of course my 
uncle— all ! he's luM'e! (runs off'hasldy into house.) 

Skruff. She refers me to her uncle! — nothing could 1)0 i)lainer. I'll 
soon obtain his cons(Mit l»y enlightening his weak mind as to Master 
Teddy and his friend tlie captain.' 

Enter Gritty at l)ack. 

Grit. Oh, liere you are, Sammy! What the deuce have you been 
doiuLi' with yourself? 

Skruff (aside), t must give old Gritty a. lesson! (aloud) Mr. Gritty, 
allow me ton-mark, with the greatest i)0ssible respect, that you're an 
infant— ft positive infant ! 



DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 15 

Grit, {looking at Jiim, then a.nde). Saimiel's been :it tlio whiskey! 

Skruff. Yes, GriUy, tliere's siini)ly a conlidiug iiinoceiice about \oa 
tliiit's positively i)iti;ible! 

Grit, (a/njrit//). Gently, Samuel, gently. What the deuce are you 
driving at? 

Skruff. In a word, what do you know about Captain Taunton and 
Teddv? 

Grit. Teddy ! Wlio is Teddy ? 

Skruff. Mr. Edward Mallinglord. 

Grit. That they're as pleasant, gentlemanly a couple of young fellows 
as you'll lind. Wliat have you to say against tlieni, eh ? 

Skruff. Only this, that you've been done. Gritty— regidarly done ! 

Grit, (aside). He decidedly has l)een at tiie whiskey — he's aWatcri/! 
{aloud, anr/rili/) Yoiu" proofs, Mr. Skrufi"! 

Skruff. Nothing easier. Read that ! {hands letter to Gritty.) 

Grit, {reading). Wliat's this? Can I believe my eyes? Young men of 
good families, with handsome allowances, raising tlie wind in liiis dis- 
reputable nuinner! It's disgraceful! Then to keep me in Ihe dark ! 
It's petty, paltry, contemptil)ie! {n-alking up and doirn.) 

Skruff (following him). That's wliat I say. It's petty, paltry, con- 
temptible I 

Grit, {suddenly turning and facing Skruff). Look here, Skruff', if 
you've no particular desire to be strangled, you'll liold your tongue ! I'll 
break both engagements at once! 

Skruff. Tliat,'s riglit— and break both their lieads ! 

Grit. They shall neither of tliem dine here to-day ! 

Skruff. Right again. I'll eat for both ! 

Grit, {turning savagely on him and shouting). Will you hold your 
infernal tongue? {shouting) Florence! Hetty! 

Enter Florence and Hetty, running from house, followed by Sally. 

Flor. I ^y,,,^,^,g y,e inntter, uncle. 
Hkt. \ 

Grit. The matter? This: Florence, you'll give up Taunton ! Hetty, 
Ma 11 i n -.iford no longer visits here! 

* Skruff. * Gritty. © Florence. o Hetty. o Sally. 

Skruff {aside to Florence, tenderly). Rely on me. I'll never forsake 
you ! 

Het. But, uncle dear! 

Skruff {a.vde to her). Never mind— I won't give you up ! 

Het. You forget that if we are not both married by the time I come 
of a lie 

Flor. We shall neitlier of us get the money ! 

Grit, {angrily). The money may 20 to tlie— ahem ! 

Skruff. No. don't say that. Gritty, {aside to him.) I'll take one of 
'ein— I don't care which! {aside) What a pity I can't marry them both. 

Bell rings— ^kiAjY runs and opens gate. Enter Taunton and Mall- 

INGFORD. 

Grit. Here they both are! Captain Taunton, {boving distantly)! 
reiiret to inform you that the eng:igement between you and my niece is 
broken off ! To vou, Mr. Maliingford, I can only repeat the same ! 



16 DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 

Taunt. 
Malling. 



lAUNi. ( [astonished). You siii'ely must be joking, sir. 



^ Sally. 

* Taunton. * Skkuff. * Mallingford. 

'^ Florence. '^ Hetty. 

* Gritty. 

SiCRUFF (aside). Is lie, rnoni;li? Slick to 'em, Gritty ! — stick to 'em! 

Taunt, {/o Gritty). We require lo know yoiu" reasons, sir. 

Skruff. N;itur;il enoiigli. By all means, Gritty. Give the gentlemen 
your reasons, Grilty. 

GRrr. In a word, then, this gentleniiin {poiiitinr/ to Skruff) informs 
me 

Skruff {shontinr/). No such thing! I deny it! {aside to Gritty) 
Don't drag me into it. 

Grit, {handing letter to Mallingford). Do you knowtliis letter, sir? 

Malling. {starting). By all tiiat's unfortunate, Taunton, my letter to 
you ! 

Taunt. About tlie $5,000? 

Grit. You confess it, then ? 

Malling. One mouumt, sir. Knowing your objections to raising 
money on bills, my frienii Taunton and T would certainly rather you had 
not seen this letter, but fortunately in this cuse no bill w:is necessary : 
you do not appear to have n^ad the whole of the contents, {ojmns letter 
and presents it to Gritty) Please turn over the page. 

Grit, {turning over page of letter a)id readAng lo himself ). What's 
this? Holloa, Samuel, you never told me to turn over! 

Skruff. Turn over? What! at your time of life? You couldn't 
liave done it. 

Grit, {reading l^,tter). "My bi-otlier liiis just returned to town, and I 
have u'ot his check for the amount we require, so that the contidence of 
our kind old friend, Mr. Gritty, will not Ije abused after all."— Bravo! 
I s;iy, Samuel, aiiTtyou glad to hear this, eh? {slapping Skruff on the 
back.) 

Skkuff. Intensely! {(tside) I wish I was well out of it. 

Grit, {to Taunton and Mallingford). So \ou don't owe anytliing? 

Taunt. Not a. stiver ! 

Grit. Then I apologize for my unjust suspicions— nlthouuh I should 
like to know what you young fellows could want with $5,000. 

Flou. {smiling). Nothing very serious, uncle. 

Hkt. Merely a commission which these g(M)tlemen have undertiiken 
for Florence and me. 

GitiT. For you? 

Flor. Yes; the purcliase of tlie meadow land behind the orcliard, 
which you havt; always been so anxious to possess. 

IIkt. To be our joint gift out of our fortune, uncle, wlien I come of 

GiUT. Bless their afTeclionate little hearts! {ki.s.sing them) Doesn't tliis 
Warm one ui», eh, Sammy? 

Skruff. Y-e-s— I do hv\ warmish! (aside) I'm in a raging fever! 
{(dond) Then I suppose, Mr. Giitty, there need be no further conceal- 
ment as to wliicli of tli(» two (pointing to FLORENCE (md Hetty) is the 
lucky heiress? {asid<^) It's as well i«) kiiow. 

Grit. That's all settled long ago; the $.50 000 will be divided equally 
between tlieui. 



DECLINED — WITH THANKS. 17 

Skruff. oil ! (fiside) Well, jifter all. $25,000, less tliat kllotic meadow, 
is worth haviiiii-; and as I am toleral>ly secure in tlie artections of 
both heiresses, I'm pretty sure of i;e(liiig one. {beclconin'j aside to 
Taunton) I l)eiieve, sir. I'm correct in comiiiii- to the conclusion that 
your artections are fixed on the vounger of Mr. Gritiv's nieces. Miss 
Hetty? 

Taunt, {indignantly). Sir ! 

Skuuff. Now don't fiy ott" in that way ; it's perfectly immaterial to 
me— you can have your choice. Nothing- can be fairer tliun that. Shall 
we toss ? 

Taunt. Before I reply to your question, Mr. —Mr. 

Skuuff. Skriiti. 

Taunt. Mr. Skriifl', perhaps you'll be good enotigh to answer mine — 
How did you come to open a letter addressed to anotiier? 

Skruff. How did 1 open it? In the usual way, I assiu-e you. 

Taunt. For which I have half a mind to i^ive you a soumi horsewhip- 
pini>,- ! 

Skruff. My dear sir, as Ion:;- as you have only half a nund, and keep 
to it, you may threaten me as much as you think propiM'. Besides, sir, 

us I flatter myself that Miss Florence honors me with her pailialily 

(6oirif/?r/ to Florence.) 

Flor. Excuse me, Mr. Skruff" Flattered by your proi)OSal, but com- 
])elled to decline, {courtfisyiwj very low and giving her hand to Taun- 
ton. ) 

^KKVFY {aside). That's no go. (^//o?/^/) How silly of me. to be sure! 
Of course when 1 said Miss Florence 1 meant Miss Hetty, {about to ad- 
vance.) 

Mallingford {meetinri him). Pardon me. j\rr. Skrufl"! I have a prior 
claim, {holding out his ha.nd to Hkttv) Dear Hetty ! 

Het. {giving her hand to Mallingford). Dear Teddy I 

Skruff {aside). Another go. 

Grit. Why, Sannny, what a desperate Mormon you are! Have you 
been falling in love with both tny girls? 

Taunt. With neither, Mr. Gritty; but desperately snntten with their 
$50,000. 

GRrr. Oh ! oil ! that w.-is vour little game, eh, Sam ? 

Skruff. I'll trouI)le you 'not to Sam me, Mr. Gritty. I beg you to 
understand that I'm not'going to be Sam'tl any longer, {drawing himself 
np) I shan't stop to dinner, Mr. Gritty! 

All {wHth pretended regret and in a very appealing tone). Oh, don't 
say so ! 

Skruff. But I do say so I 

Sally {aside to him). Now vou haven't told me which is the taters, 
sir? 

Skruff. Open the irate, vounir female! (Sally goes to open gate) 
Good-mornin--, Mr. Gritty!" Good-morning, ladies! I hope you'll be 
hap|)y, though I wouldn't liive much for your chance, {advancing rap- 
idly to the front) After all, perliai)S I've had a narrow escape. Who 
knows l)ut I'niay have cause to be grateful that I have been declined 

All {uHlh low courtesies and bows). With thanks I 

As Skruff hurries up, accomimnied with repeated botes and courtesies, 
DXTRTAIN FALLS. 



DE WITT'S ACTmG PLAYS. 



jCcj> Pleast) noticft that nearly ell the Comedies, Farces and Comecliettas in the following 
Juisi of "Dk Witt's acting Plays '' are very suitable for rcpreseutatiou iu small Amateur 
Ihea'^res b id ou Parlor Stages, as they need but Lttlc extriusic aid from complex sceuery 
or cxpcubi\ e costumes. They hare attained their d(^t>erved popularity by their droll situa-' 
tious. excehsnt plots, great humor sjd brilliaut dialoguc-a, no less than by the fact that 
they are the jiost perfect i-u every respect of any edition of plays ever published either iu 
the tJnitcd States or Europe, whether aii regards purity of text, accuracy and fullness of 
stage directiovis and sceuery, or elegaueo of typography and clearness of printing. 

*** In OKiering please copy the figures at the commeucemcut of each i)iect„ whlct) 
indicate the number of the pieco in '• De ^VlTT■3 List oit Acting Plats.'" 

j^- Any Oi the following Plays cent, postage free, ou receipt oiin-ice— Fifteen Cent a 
each. * 

JEC^ The tigure following tho name of the Play denotes the r.umber of Acts. The 
fl'Turea iu tho cUumus indicate the number of characters— :M. male ; T. female. 



75. 
231. 



114. 
167. 
93. 

40. 
89. 
258. 

237. 

366. 
310. 

41. 
141. 
-^23. 

57. 

36. 
279. 
296. 
160. 
179. 

25. 

70. 
261. 
226. 

24. 
199. 

:. 

?.75. 
65. 

69. 
80. 
C5. 
68. 
2J9. 

76. 
1105. 

f49, 
Hi 



M. ] 

Adrienne, oTama, 3 acts 7 

All that Glii ters is not Gold, comic 

drama, 2 & cts G 

All ou Account of a Bracelet, come- 
dietta, 1 ace 2 

Anything foi a Change, corned j'.l act 3 
Apple Blossc ms, comedy, 3 acts. . . 7 

Area Belle, f.irce, 1 act & 

Atchi, corned ictta, 1 act 3 

Aunt CUarlolte's Maid, farce, 1 act. 3 
Aunt Dinah' 3 Pledge, temperance 

drama, 2 a< ts 6 

Bachelor's Box (La Petite Hotel), 

comedietta, 1 act 4 

Bardell vs. Pickwick, sketch. 1 act. C> 
Barrack Room (The), comedictta,Ja. G 

Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act 2 

Bells (The), drama, 3 acts.. 9 

Betsey Baker, farce, 1 act 2 

Birthplace of Podgers, farce, 1 act.. 7 

Dlack Sheep, drama, 3 acts 7 

Black-Eyed Susau, drama, 2 acts. . .14 

Black and White, drama, 3 acts 6 

Blow for Blow, drama, 4 acts 11 

Breach of Promise, drama, 2 acts.. 5 
Broken-Hearted Club, comedietta. . 4 

Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act 3 

Bottle (The), drama, 2 acts 11 

Box and Cox, llomance.^ act 2 

Cabman No. 93, farce, 1 act 2 

Captain of the Watch, comedietta, 

1 act 6 

Caste, comedy, 3 acts 5 

Ca^t upon the World, drama, 5 acts.ll 
Catharine Howard, historicr.i play, 

3 acts 12 

Caught by the Cuff, farce, 1 acto ... 4 

Charming Pair, farce, 1 act -,.. . 4 

Checkmate, comedy, 2 acts ^ 6 

Chevalier de St. George, drama, 3a. 9 
Chimney' Corner (The), domestic 

drama, 3 acts o 

Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act. . 3 
Circumstances alter Cases, comic 

operetta, 1 art 1 

'IJ'ouds, comedy. 4 acts 8 

43omica> CouufcesR, farce, 1 act. ..... 3 



3 


222. 




248. 


3 


107. 




152. 


2 


52. 


3 


14a, 




113. 


2 


20. 


3 


286. 




4. 


3 


22. 




275. 


1 


96. 


2 


16. 


2 


58. 


2 


125. 


3 


71. 


2 


142. 


3 


204. 


5 


21. 


2 


2G0. 


3 


210. 


G 


263. 


2 


186. 


8 


242. 


I 


47. 


6 


283. 


1 




2 


202. 




315. 


2 


297. 


3 




5 


200. 




l:)5. 


6 


230. 


1 


100. 


3 


q. 


5 




3 


128. 




xOl. 




99. 


2 


262, 


1 


145. 


7 


102. 


1 


88. 



Cool as a Cucumber, farce, 1 act 3 

Cricket on the Hearth, diama, 3 acts 8 

Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act 2 

Cupid's Eye-Glass, comedy, 1 act.. 1 

Cup of Tea, comedietta, 1 act 3 

Cut Off with a Shilling, comedietta, 

1 act 2 

Cyril's Success, comedy, 5 acts 10 

Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts 8 

Daisy Farm, drama, 4 acts 10 

Dandelion's Dodges, farce, 1 act... 4 

David Garrick, comedy, 3 acts 8 

Day Alter the Wedding, farce, 1 act 4 
Dearest Mamma, comedietta, 1 act.. 4 

Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts 6 

Deborah (Leah), drama, 3 acts 7 

Deerfoot, larce, 1 act 5 

Doing for the Best, drama, 2 acts.. 6 
Dollars and Ceu+s. comedy, 3 acts. . 9 
Drawing Eooir- J;n(A).comedyil act 2 

Dreams, diania, 5 acts... 6 

Drunkard's Warning, drama, 3 acts 6 
Drunkard's Doom (The), drama, 2a.] 5 

Drunkard (TIk ). drama.. 5 acts 13 

Duche'fes de la Valliere p!ay, 5 acts.. 6 

Dumb Belle (The), farce, 1 act 4 

Easy Shaving, farce. 1 act 6 

E. C. B. Susau Jane, musical bur- 
lesque, 1 act 8 

Eileeu Oge, Irifch drama. 4 acts 11 

Electric Love, farce, 1 act 1 

English Gentleman (An), comedy- 
drama, 4 acts 7 

Estranged, operetta. 1 act 2 

Everybody s Friend, comedy. 3 acts 6 
Family Jars, musical farce, 2 acts.. 5 
Faust and Marguerite, drama. 3 acts 9 
Fearful Tragedy in the Seven DJ-ls, 

interlude, 1 act 4 

Female Detective, drama, 3 acts 11 

Fernande. drama, 3 acts 11 10 

Fifth Wheel, comedy, ."> actfi 10 if 

Fifteen Years of a Dr«ikard's Life, 1 

melodrama. 3 acts 13 ^ 

First Love, comedy. 1 act 4 1 

Foiled, drar'a. 4 acts 9 3 

Founded oc Facts, farce, 1 act. ; .... 4 Q 



BE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS.-Oontmued. 



1^9, 
Jr^. 

71. 

53. 

73. 

30. 

•\31. 
•276. 
306. 

277. 

206. 
241. 

28. 

lol. 

8. 

30. 

)3. 

19. 

60. 

91. 
A6. 
^Ol. 

24. 
1S7 
"^.74. 
vill. 

64. 
■90. 

97. 
225. 
■2.52. 

18. 

,16. 

29. 

59. 

,78. 
282. 
273. 
243. 
271. 
244. 
270. 
274. 
122. 
177. 
100. 
299. 
139. 

17. 
233. 
309. 

86. 
1^7. 

72. 
144. 

34. 
189. 
253. 
111. 
119. 
239. 

48. 

32. 
/64. 
205. 
ie.5. 



Fruits of the Wine C«p, drama, 3 cts 6 
Game of Cards (A), comedietta, la.. 3 

Garrick Fever, farce, 1 act 7 

Gertrude's Mouey Box, farce, 1 act. 4 
Goldeu Fetters (Fetter«d). drama, 3.11 
Goose with the Goldeu Eggs, farce, 

lact 5 

Go to Putuey, farce, 1 act 4 

Good for Nothiug. comic drama, la. 5 
Great Success (A), comedy, 3 acts. . 8 
Griuishaw, Bagshaw aud Bradsliaw, 

farce, 1 act • • • ^ 

Heir Apparent (The), farce. 1 act... 5 

Haudy Audy, drama, 2 acts 10 

Happy Pair, comedietta, 1 act 1 

Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act 2 

Heury Duubar, drama, 4 acts 10 

Henry the Fifth, hist, play, 5 acts.. 38 
Her Ouly Fault, comedietta, 1 act. . 2 

He's a Luuatic, farce. 1 act 3 

Hiddeu Hand, drama, 4 acts 6 

High C, comedietta, 1 act 3 

High Life Below Stairs,farce,2 acts. 9 

Hiuko, romautic drama, 6 acts 12 

His Last Legs, farce, 2 acts 5 

lis Owu Euemy, farce, 1 act 5 

Home, comedy. 3 acts 4 

Houesty is the Best Policy, play, 1. 2 

Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act 1 

Hunting tlie Slippers, farce, 1 act. . 4 

Hunchback (The), play, 5 acts 13 

Ici on Parle Fraucais, farce, 1 act... 3 
Idiot Witness, melcdrama. 3 acts. . . 6 
If I had a Thousand a Year, farce, 1 4 
I'm not Mesilf at all, Irish stew, la. 3 

In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act. 2 

In the Wrong House, farce, 1 acr. . . 4 
Irish Attorney (The), farce, 2 acts.. 8 

Irish Broom Maker, farce, 1 act 9 

Irishman in London, farce, 1 acts. . 6 

Irish Lion (The), farce, 1 act 8 

Irish Post (The), drama. 1 act 9 

Irish Tutor (The), farce, 1 act 5 

Irish Tiger (The), farce, 1 act 5 

Irish Widow (The), farce, 2 acta. ... 7 

Isabella Orsiui, drama, 4 acts H 

I Shall Invite the Major, comedy, 1 4 

Jack Long, drama, 2 acts 9 

Joan of Arc, hist, play, 5 acts 26 

Joy is Dangerous, comedy, 2 acts. . 3 
Kind to a Fault, comedy, 2 acts. ... 6 
Kiss in the Dark (A), farce, 1 act.. . . 2 
Ladies' Battle (Tlie). comedy, 3 acts 7 

Lady of Lyons, play, 5 acts 12 

L' Article 47, drama, 3 acts 11 

Lame Excuse, farce, 1 act 4 

Lancashire Lass, melodrama. 4 acts. 12 
Larkins' Love Letters, fsirce. 1 act.. 3 
Leap Year. murJcal duality, 1 act... .1 
Lend Me Five Shillings, farce, 1 act 5 

Liar (The), comedy, 2 acts 7 

Life Chase, drama, 5 acts 14 

L'juerick Bo^ The), farce. 1 act. ... 5 
Little Ar-^ie't, jciirthday. farce. 1 act..2 

Little R(,.)el, farce. 1 act 4 

Little Ruby, drama, 3 acts 6 

Little Em'lv, drama, 4 acts 8 

Living Statue (The), farce, 1 act. ... 3 
Loan of a Lover (The), vaudeville,!, 4 



109. 

85. 

87. 
143. 
212. 
291. 
210, 
1(53, 
154. 

63, 
249. 
208, 

39, 
7, 

49. 

15, 

46. 

51. 
302, 
184. 
250. 
S12. 

234. 

108. 
188. 
109. 
216. 
236, 
193. 

267. 
130. 
92. 
218. 
140. 

115. 

2. 

57. 

104. 

112. 
298. 
185. 
84. 
117. 

171. 
14. 

3or 

261 . 
238. 
173. 

;''>7. 



254. 

33. 

3. 

00. 

170. 

289. 

97. 

66. 

209. 

172. 

94. 

8 I 4.5. 

2 155. 

1 I 178. 



M. » 

Locked in, comedietta, 1 act 2 l^ 

Locked in -with a Lady, sketch 1 1 

Locked Out, comic bctue 1 1 

Lodgers aud Dodgers, larce, 1 act.. 4 3 
Loudon AsBurauee, conieuy, 5 acts. 10 3 

M. P.. lomedy, 4 acts 7 2 

Mabel's Mauceuvre, interlude, 1 act 1 3 

Marcoretti, drama, 3 acts 10 3 

Maria aud Jiagda'.ena, play, 4 acts.. 8 C 
Marriage at any Price, larco, ] act.. 5 3 
Marriage a Lottery, comedy, 2 acts. 3 4 
Married Bachelors, comedietta, la.. 3 2 
Master Joues' BirlLday, farce, 1 act 4 2 

Maud's Peril, drama, 4 acts 5 3 

Midnight Watch, drama, 1 act 8 2 

Milky White, drama, 2 acts 4 2 

Miriam's Crime, drama, 3 acts 5 9 

Model of a Wife, larce, 1 act 3 1 

Model Pair (A), comedy, 1 act 2 I 

Money, comedy, 5 acts 17 i 

More Blunders than One, farce, la. 4 ^ 
More Sinned against tban Sinning, 

original Irish drama, 4 acts 11 

Morning Call (A), comedietta, 1 act. 1 . 

Mr. Scroggins. farce, 1 act 3 ? 

Mr. X., farce, 1 act 3 & 

My Uncle's Suit, farce. 1 act 4 1 

My Neighbor's Wife, farce, ] act 3 3 

My Turn Next, farce, 1 act 4 • 

My Walking Photograph, musical 

duality, 1 act 1 1 

My Wife's Bonnet, farce. 1 act 3 4 

My Wife's Diary, farce, 1 act 3 1 

My Wife's Out, farce. 1 act 2 3 

Naval Engagements, farce, 2 acts. . . 4 2 
Never Reckon your Chickens, etc., 

farce. 1 act 3 4 

New Men and Old Acres, comedy, 3 8 5 

Nobody'f Child, drama, 3 acts 18 3 

Noemie, drama. 2 acts.. 4 4 

No Name, drama, 5 acts 7 5 

Not a bit Jealous, tarce, 1 act 3 3 

Not if I Know it, larce, 1 act 4 4 

Not so bad as we Seem, play, 5 acts.l3 3 

Not Guilty, drama. 4 acts 10 6 

Not such a Fool as he Looks, drama, 

3 acts 5 { 

Nothing like Paste, farce, 1 act 3 i 

No Thoroughfare, drama. 5 acts 13 6 

Notre Dame, drama, 3 acts 11 8 

Object of Interest (An), larce, 1 act. 4 3 
Obstinate Family (The), farce, 1 act. 3 3 

Off the Stage, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 

Omnibus (The), farce, 1 act. . .... 5 4 

On Bread and Water, farce, 1 act.. . 1 3 

One Too Manv, farce. 1 act 4 ^ 

One Too Many for Him, farce, 1 act 2 1 

.f 100,000. comedy, 3 acts 8 4 

Only a Hallpenny. farce, 1 act.... -. 2 1 

Only Somebody, farce, 1 act 4 2 

On the Jury, drama, 4 acts 5 5 

Orange Blossoms, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 

Orange Girl, drama. 4 acts 18 4 

Othello, tragedy, 5 acts 16 2 

Ours, comedy. 3 acts 6 3 

Our Clerks, farce. 1 act 7 5 

Our Domestics, coniedy-farce. 2 acts 6 fi 
Our Heroes, military play, 5 acts.. .24 5 
Out at Sea, drama, 6 acts . . - , J7 * 



DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS-Oontinued. 



M. F. 

tjverlaiul Route, comedy, 3 acts li 5 

Pak- oi Slioeti (A), farce, 1 act 4 3 

Partners for Lite, comedy, y acts 7 4 

Peace at auy Price, larce, 1 act. 1 1 

Peep o' Day, drama, ^l acts 12 4 

I'eggy Greeu, iarce. I act 3 10 

Petticoat Parliameut, exti-avagauza, 

1 act 15 24 

Pliilomel, romantic drama, 3 actd... G 4 

Pliotograpliic I'ix, farce, "'.act 3 2 

Plot and Passion, drama, 3 acts. ... 7 2 

Poll and Partner Joe. bnrlesq[e, ia..lO 3 

I'oor Pill icoddy, farce, 1 act 2 3 

Poppletou's Predicaments, farce, la. 3 G 

Porter's Knot, drama. 2 acts . J 2 

Post Boy, drama. 2 acts 5 3 

Pretty Horse-Breaker, farce 3 J,0 

Pretty Piece of Business (A), come- 
dy, 1 act •■ " 3 

182. Queen Mary, drama, d acts 37 J 

Queerest Courtship (The), comic 

operetta, 1 act 1 ^ 

Quiet Family, farce, 1 act 4 4 

Quite at Home, comedietta, 1 act.. . o 2 

Race for a Dinner, farce, 1 act 10 

Regular Fix (A), farce, 1 act G 4 

Richelieu, play, 5 acts 12 2 

Rightful Heir, drama, 5 acts 10 2 

Roll of the Drum, drama, 3 acts .... 8 4 
Romeo on the Gridiron (A^, mono- 
logue, for a lady 1 

Rosemi Shell, burlesque, 4 scenes.. 6 3 

Rough Diamond (The), farce, 1 act. G 3 

Rum, drama, 3 acts 7 -l 

Ruy Bias, drama, 4 acts 12 4 

Sarah's Young Man, farce, 1 act 3 3 

School, comedy, 4 acts G G 

School for Scandal, comedy, 5 acts. .13 4 

Scrap of Paper (.\), comic drama. 3a. G G 

Sheep inWolf's Clothing, drama, la. 7 5 

She Stoops to Conquer, comedy, 5a.l5 4 

Silent Protector, farce. 1 act , . . . . 3 2 

Silent Woman, farce, 1 act 2 1 

Single Married Man (A), comic ope- 
retta, 1 act ; 6 2 

Sisterly Service, comedietta, 1 act.. 7 2 

Six Months Ago, comedietta, 1 act.. 2 1 

Slasher and Crasher, farce, lact. .. 5 2 

Snapping Turtles, duologue, 1 act. . .1 1 

Society, comedy, 3 acts 16 5 

Sold Again, comic operetta, 1 act... 3 1 

Sparking, comedietta, 1 act 1 2 

Special PerfCmances, farce, 1 act. . 7 3 
Still Waters; jn Deep, comedy, 3a. 9 2 
Sweethearts, dramatic contrast, 2a.. 2 2 
Tail (Tale) of a Shark, musical mon- 
ologue, 1 scene 1 

Taming a Tiger, farce. 1 act 3 

Tell-Tale Heart, comedietta. 1 act.. 1 2 
. Tempest in a Teapot, comedy, 1 act 2 1 



257. Ten Nights in a Bar Room, drama, 

5 acts 8 2 

146. There's no Smoke ■without Fire, 

comedietta, 1 act 1 1 

83. Thrice Married, personatiou pi»ce, 

1 act 6 1 

245. Thumping Legacy (A), 1 act 7 1 

251. Ticket of Leave Man, diama, A acts. 9 S 

42. Time and the Hour, drama, 3 acts. 7 ii 

27. Time and Tide, drama. 4 acts 7 5 

133. Timothy to the Rescue, farce, 1 act 4 '2 
153. 'Tis Better to Live than to Die, 

farce, 1 act 2 1 

134. Tompkins the Troubadour, iarce. 1. 3 'i 

272. Toodles (The), drama, 2 acts 10 2 

235. To Oblige BeiKson. comedietta, 1 &.ct 3 2 

238. Trying It On, larce, ] act 3 3 

29. Turning the Tables, farce, 1 act. . . 5 3 

21 i. Turn Him Out, farce, 1 act 3 2 

lOH. Tweedie's Rights, comedy, 2 actsa.. 4 i 

1 -26. Twice Killed, farce, 1 act 6 3 

'i34. 'Twixt Axe and Crowu. play, 5 acts.24 13 

198, Twin Sitters, comic operetta. 1 act. 2 2 

?,o5. Two Bonuycastles, farce, 1 act 3 £ 

WO. Two Buzzards (The), farce, 1 act 3 "^ 

56. Two Gay Deceivers, face, 1 act 3 

] '.VJ. Two Poits, farce, 1 act 4 •>. 

2;v-:. Two Roses (The), comedy. 3 acts. ..7 4 

292, Two Thorns (The), comedy, 4 acts.. 9 4 

294, Uncle Dick's Darling, drama, f actn 6 6 

]()'2, Uncle's Will, comedietta. 1 ac'' ... J, 1 

106. Up for the Cattle Show, farce. 1 act 6 2 

81. V.indvke Brown, farce, 1 act 3 3 

317. V^eteran of 1812 (The), romantic mil- 

itarv drama, 5 acis 12 ^ 

124. Volunteer Review, farce, 1 act 6 6 

91. Walpolc, comedy in i'b;\me 7 2 

118 Wanted, a Young Lady, farce, 1 act, 2 1 
231. Wanted, One Thousand Spirited 
Young Milliners for the Gold Re- ^ 

gions. farce, 1 act 3 7 

44. War to to the Knife, comedy, 8 acts H 4 

311. What Tears can do. comedietta, la.. 3 2 

105. Which of the Two? comedietta, la... 2 10 

266. Who Killed Cock Robin? farce, 2a.. 2 2 

98. Who is Who ? larce 3 i, 

12. Widow Hunt, comedy, 3 acts 4 4 

213. Widow (The), comedy, 3 acts 7 6 

5. William Tell with a Vengeance, bur- 
lesque 8 2 

„,, r Window Curtain, monologue 1 

"^^*- I Circumstantial Evidence " 1 

136. Woman in Red. drama, 4 acts G S 

161. Woman'.s Vows and Masons' Oaths, 

drama, 4 acts 10 4 

n. Woodcock's Little Ga/ne, farce. 2a <: 4 
290. Wrong Man in the Right Place (.^ 

farce, 1 act 2 3 

54. Young Collegian, farce, 1 act -3 J 



( 



A COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WITT'3 ACT- 
ING PLAYS AND DE V/ITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, 
containing Plot, Costume, Scenery, Time of Representation, and all other informa- 
tion, mailed free and post paid on application. Address 

I>i: ^r^TT, 33 Rose Street, Wcw York. 



DE WITT'S DRAWING-ROOM OPERETTAS. 



1®* TO MUSICAL AMATEURS. 

The number of Musical Amateurs, both ladies and gentlemen, ia not only verf 
targe, but is constantly increasing, and very naturally, for there is no more re-' 
fined and ■pleasant mode of spendin<;j leisure hours than in singing and playing the 
choice productions of the best Composers. Hitherto there has been an almost tottil 
ifick of suitable pieces adapted to an evening's entertainment in Parlors by Aaiateurs. 
(Df course M'hole Operas, or even parts of Operas, require o.-chestral accompani- 
feients and full choruses to give them effect, and are therefore clearly unfit for 
•Amateur pevformance, while a succession of songs lacks the interest given by a 
-«i^lot and a contrast of characters. In this series (a list of which is given below) v^. 
havo endeavored to supply this want. The best Music of popular Composers is wed- 
ded to appropriate words, and the whole dovetailed into plots that are effective as 
mere petite plays, but are rendered doubly interesting by the appro])riate and jeau- 
tiful Music, specially arranged for them. 



LIST OF DE WITT'S MUSICAL PLAYS. 

PRICE 15 CEN'^ EACH. 



6EAP YEAR— A Musical Dual- 
ity. By Alfked B. SEDGWirK. Mu- 
sic selected and .adapted from Df- 
FENBACU's celebrated Opera, " Gene- 
Tieve de Brabant.''' One Male, one 
Female Character. 

•!BI1 TWIIT SISTERS-Cornlc 

Operetta, in One Act. The Music 
selected from the raovst popular num- 
bers in Le Cocq's celebrated Opera 
Bouffe, " Girofle Girofla,''' and the 
Libretto written by Alfred B. Sedg- 
wick. Two Male, Two Female 
Characters. 

WLD AGAIN AND GOT THE 

MONEY.— Comic Operetta, m One 
Act. The Music composed and the 
Libretto written by Alfred B. Sedg- 
wick. Tliree Male, One Female 
Character. 

THE QUEEREST OOTJETSHIP. 

— Coinic Operetta, in One Act. The 
Music arrani^'ed from Offenbach's 
celebrated Opera, " La Princesse de 
Trebizonde,"' and the Libretto writ- 
tec by Alfred B. Sedgwjgk. One 
Male, One Female Character. 



ESTRANGED— An Operetta, in 
One Act, The Musie arranged from 
Verdi's celebrated Opera, "// Trov- 
atore."' and the feibretto adapted by 
Alfred B. Sedgavick. Two Male, 
One Female Character. 

OIROUMSTANOES ALTEL 

CASES.— Comic Operetta, in On,- 
Act. The music composed and the 
Libretto written by Alfi:ed B. SedGi'-' 
WICK. One Male, One Female Char* 

MY WALKING PHOTOGRAPH 

—Musical Duality, in One >\£t. Tm 
Music arranged from Le (Jocq'Si 
Opera, "Za Fille de Madame Angot,'''' 
and the Libretto written by A; frkd 
B. Sedgwick. One Male, One Fe- 
male Character. 

A SINGLE MARRIED MAN- 

Comic Operetta, ia One Act. Tho 
Music arrauL'ed from Ofphnbach's 
celebrated Opera Bonflfe, " Madame 
rArcliiduc,'''' and the Libretto writ- 
ten by Alfukd B. Sehgwick. Six 
Male, Two Female Chaiacters. 



MOLLY MORIARTY.— Am Irish 
Musical Sketch, in One Act. The 
Music composed and th» Dialogue 
written by Alfred B. Sedgwick. 
One Male, one Female Character. 
Suitable for the VaHety Stage. 

THE CHARGE OE THE HASH 

BRIGADE.— A Comic Irish Musical 
Sketch. The Musie composed and 
the Libretto written by Joseph P. 
Skelly. Two Male, two Female 
Character"- Suitable for the Variety 



GAMBRINUS, KING QE LAGER 

BEER.— A Musical Ethiopian Bur- 
lesque, in One Act. Music aiid Dia- 
logue by Frank Dumont. Eight 
Male, one Female Character. Suita- 
ble for the Ethiopian Stage. 

AERIOANUS BLUEBEARD -A 

Musical Ethiopian Burlesque, in One 
Act. Music and Dialogue by Frank 
Dumont. Four Male, four FemaU 
Characters. HuitabU for the JE'.Viio. 
pian Stage. 



POPULAR HAND BOOKS 

— FOR — 

Readings:^^Recitations. 

GUS WILLIAMS' 

Fireside Recitations, 

DSTos. 1 and 2. 

Being careful selections of the purest, most interesting and most 
-rffectivo pieces of prose and poetry in the language. 

Many of the articles in these books have been recited by the compiler 
with every mark of approval, before large and refined audiences. "While 
many of the favorite standard pieces are retained, the majority are those 
n€wer and fresher productions that are difficult, if not impossible, to pro- 
cure in any one volume. 200 pages each. Stiff paper covers. 

PItlCE, SS CEIVTS- 

GUS WILLIAMS' 

Standard Recitations. 

A fine collection of pathetic, dramatic, comic and dialectic articles, 
by the best writers of the times ; all of which have been found highly 
effective before largo audiences in all parts of the Unit'Od States, as 
recited by the compiler. 96 pages. Paper covers. 

IPIMCE, lO OEIVTH. 

Copies of any of the above books sent by mail to any address, on receipt 
of price. 



POPULAR HAND BOOKS 

— FOR — 

Readings^EERecitations. 

"VON BOYLE'S" 

RECHERCHE RECITATIONS. 

A new cj^mpilation bj this celebrated elocutionist and character 
delineator, containing many pieces wliicli cannot be found elsewherev 
having been written by him expressly for tl.is book ; also many selections 
from this genial humorist's " repoTtoirc," which now, foi- the first time, 
appear in print ; all the pieces, old and new, having been adopted and 
used by him, with special reference to variety and good taste. 

200 PAGES, ILLUMINATED PAPER COVER, 

Cloice Bealims aai Select Eecitaliois. 

Five Numbers. One hilndrod pages each. Specially adapted for 
the School and the Family: being the best pieces of their kind evtif 
written. 

Almost every different phase cf passion and sentiment finds its 
best and most effective expression in some of tlie pieces in this series. 

PIMOE, lO OJEIVTS. 

Copies of <my of the above looks sent by mail t» any address^ on 
r*«*^?)< of -price. 



THE VERY BOOK FOR THE MINSTREL STAGE, 

Sis Jokss and Funny Sayings; 



WITH WHICH IS IN^CORPORATED 

HINTS TO THE AMATEUR MINSTREL 

By BOBBY NEWCOMB, the Popular Song and Danes Artist 

A book bubbling over with quuint mirthftilness ; full of the verj juice and cream 
(ft Minptrel fun. Tlie veteran BLACK COKKIST will And lots of amusement aad 
instruction in its pages, and the Amateur will find it invaluable, aa it teache* all 
the '"tricks of the trade," and furnishes a complete budget of the best material for 
"setting the house in a roar." 

Among its contents are : End Men's Jokes and repartees ; Colloquies betweem 
Middle men and End men, Conundrums, Lectures, Stump Speeches, Ldalect Stories, 
etc., etc. 

FUN IN BLACK; 

OR, 

SKETCHES OF MUTSTREL LIFE 

AND THE 

ORIGIN OF NEGRO MINSTRELSY. 

With 60 amusing illustrations of Scrne«< before tlie Footlights, and behind th* 
SceRts. Full of Funny Anecdotes and Knd Men's Jokes. Together with a cora« 
j\Gtsi hldtory of Ethiopian Minstrelsy iioni Kl*9. 

r»IlICE, as KJElST^iH. 

BLACK JOKES. 

A book full and runniug over with side splitting fun, peculiar to the 
"darkey" race. Illustrate*! -witl:. lOO of tlxe lusst comic of all comie 

lesigus ever engraved on wood, and containing a tlious md comicalities. 

PRICE, a.-S CbCATS^. 

Copieg of any of the above books sent bi/ mail to arm address, naH paid, on receipt 
pf pt'ice. 



DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMA.-Continued. 



33. 

94. 

103. 



37. 

90. 
109. 

19. 
149. 
151. 

96. 
147. 

129. 

101. 

117. 
44. 

8. 
119. 

49. 
132. 
145. 

22. 

27. 
125. 

30. 
114. 

76. 
91. 

87. 

135. 

92. 
9. 

57. 

65. 

66. 
115. 

14. 
105. 

45. 

65. 



M. F. 

Jealous Husband, sketch 2 1 

Julius the lSu(>uzer. burlesque, 3 sc. 6 1 
Kutnua's Little " Game, Dutch act, 

1 sceue 1 1 

Last of the Mohlcaus, sketch 3 1 

Laughing Gab, sketch, 1 sceue 6 1 

Live Iiijuu, sketch, 4 sceuea 4 1 

Lost Will, sketch 4 

Lucky Job, farce, 2 scenes 3 2 

Luuatic (The), farce, 1 sceue 3 

Making a Hit, farce, 2 scenes 4 

Malicious Trespass, sketch, 1 sceue. 3 
"Meriky, Ethiopian farce, 1 sceue... 3 1 
Micky Free, Irish sketch, 1 scene.. 5 
Midnight Intruder, farce, 1 scene . 6 1 
Milliner's Shop (The), Ethiopian 

sketch, 1 sceue 2 2 

Moko Marionettes, Ethiopian eccen- 
tricity, 2 scenes 4 5 

Molly Moriarty, Irish musical 

sketch, 1 sceue 1 1 

Motor Bellows, comedy, 1 act 4 

Musical Servant, sketch, 1 scene — 3 
Muttou Trial, sketch, 2 scenes .... 4 
My Wife'sVisitors, comic drama,lsc. 6 1 
Night in a Strange Hotel,sketch,lsc. 2 
Noble Savage, Ethi'n sketch, 1 sc. .. 4 
No Pay No Cure, Ethi'n sketch,! 8C. 5 

Obeying Orders, sketch, 1 scene 2 1 

100th Night of Hamlet, sketch ,7 1 

Oh, Hush ! operatic olio .4 1 

Oue Night in a Bar Koom, sketch . . 7 
One Night in a Medical College, 

Ethiopian sketch, 1 8cen« 7 1 

One, Two, Three, sketch, 1 scene.. 7 
Painter's Apprentice, farce, 1 sceue. 5 
Pete aiui the Peddler, Negro and 

Irish sketch, 1 scene 2 1 

Pleasant Companions, Ethiopian 

sketch, 1 scene 5 1 

Polar Bear (The), farce, 1 scene 4 1 

Policy Players, sketch, 1 scene 7 

Pomi^ey's Patients, interlude, 2 sc.^6 
Porter's Troubles, sketch, 1 scene. . 6 1 

Port Wine vs. Jealousy, sketch 2 1 

Private Boarding, comedy, 1 scene. 2 3 

Recruiting Office, sketch, 1 act 5 

Rehearsal (The), Irish farce, 2 sc. . . 3 1 
Remittance from Home,sketch,l sc. 6 
Rigging a Purchase, sketch, 1 sc... 3 



81. 

26. 

V6S. 

15. 
59. 
21. 



84. 
38. 
74. 
46, 
69. 
56, 
72, 
13, 
16 
7, 
121, 

47, 
54, 

100. 

102. 
34. 

122. 

2. 

104. 

5. 
28, 
134, 
62. 
32. 
39. 
75. 

93. 

29. 

97. 

137. 



99. 



85. 
116. 



M. F 

Rival Artists, sketch, 1 scene 4 

Rival Teuauts, sketch 4 

Rival Barbers' Shops (The). Ethio- 
pian farce, 1 sceue 6 1 

Sam's Coui-tship, farce, 1 act 2 1 

Sausage Makers, sketch, 2 sceues . . 5 1 

Scampiui, pantomime, 2 scenes 3 3 

Scenes on the Mississippi, sketch, 

2 scenes ... 6 

Serenade (The), sketch, 2 scenes.. . . 7 

Siamese Twins, sketch, 2 sceues 5 

Sleep Walker, sketch, 2 sceues 3 

Slipi>eiy Day, sketch, 1 sceue 6 1 

Squire for a Day, sketch . 5 1 

Stage-struck Couple, interlude, Isc. 2 1 

Stranger, burlesque, 1 scene 1 2 

Streets of New York, sketch, 1 sc. . . 6 
Storming the Fort, sketch, 1 sceue, 6 

Stupid Servant, sketch, 1 scene 2 

Stocks Up ! Stocks Down ! Negro 

duologue, 1 scene 2 

Take It, Don't Take It, sketch. 1 sc. 2 

Them Pa^jers, .sketch, 1 scene 3 

Three Chiefs (The), sketch, 1 scene. 6 

Three A. M., sketch, 2 scenes 3 1 

Three Strings to oue Bow, sketch, 

1 scene 4 1 

Ticket Taker, Ethi'n farce, % scene. 3 

Tricks, sketch ' 5 2 

Two Awfuls (The), sketch, 1 scene.. 5 

Two Black Roses, sketch 4 1 

Uncle Eph's Dream, sketch, 2 sc, . . 3 1 
Unlimited Cheek, sketch, 1 sceue . . 4 1 
Vinegar Bitters, sketch, 1 scene ... 6 1 
Wake up, William Henry, sketch, . . 3 
Wanted, a Nurse, sketch, 1 scene. . . 4 
Weston, the Walkist, Dutch sketch, 

1 ycen« 7 1 

What shall I Take? sketch, 1 scene. 7 1 
Who Died First ? sketch, 1 scene. . . 3 1 

Who's the Actor? farce, 1 sceue 4 

Whose Baby is it ? Ethiopian sketch, 

1 sceue 2 1 

Wonderful Telephone (TheJ, Ethio- 
pian sketch, 1 scene ,4 1 

Wrong Woman in the Right Place, 

sketch, 2 scenes 2 2 

Young Scamp, sketch, 1 scene., 3 

Zacharias' Funeral, farce, 1 scene. . 5 



A COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WITT'S ACT- 
ING PLAYS AND DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, 
containing Plot, Costume, Scenery, Time of Representation, and all other informa- 
tion, mailed free and post paid on application. Address 



DE WITT, Publisher, 

8S Rose Street, ]¥ew York. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 528 475 2 

Ai iJiisjensaMe Book lur Amaienrs. 



HOW TO mimi 

AMATETO THEATEICAIS, 



Being plain instructions for construction and arrangement of Stage, 
making Scenery, getting up Costumes, '^Making Up" to represent 
different ages and characters, and how to produce stage Illusions and 
Effects. Also hints for the management of Amatetar Dramatic Clubs, 
and a list of pieces suitable for Drawing Room Performances. Hand- 
somely illustrated with Colored Plates. 

Price f 25 Cents, 



DE WITT'S SELECTIONS 

FOR 

MTEl AND PAELOB THEATRICALS. 

Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4 &; 5. 

Being choice selections from the very best Dramas, Comedies and 
Farces. Specially adapted for presentation by Amateurs, and for 
Parlor and Drawing Room Entertainments. 

JEach n timber, 25 Cents, 

PANTOMIME PLAY , 

''HUMPTY DUMPTY." 

The celebrated Pantomime, as originally played for 1,000 nights by the 
late Georqb L. Fox. Arranged by John Deni«r, Ssf. Bight male, 
four female characters. 

Price, 25 Cents, 



LIBRARY OF CONC 




014 528 47 




014 528 475 2 ♦' 



Hollinger Corp. 
pH 8.5 



